The Day I Ceased Worrying

by Paul Mathers

 

It started at 7am when my wife woke me up.

On her Feed.ly she had read about the religious harmonies.

7 am PST, all religions had spontaneously, simultaneously

realized that their doctrinal separations ought not infringe

in any way on the larger necessity of brotherhood universal.

Everyone, especially Israel, and including me, had a busy day ahead of them.

In the hour which followed, NPR, over my tea, informed me

that the consciousness shift had naturally precipitated

an agreement to distribute wealth to eliminate want.

I shrugged and went to work anyway.

At 10:45, I began to see 35 new colors. So did my co-workers.

So did everyone.

At lunch came the news of the perpetual motion machine

with would produce cold fusion which would power everything

free of charge.

At 2pm came the announcement of the reverse entropy machine.

At 2:23, I rocked forward on the balls of my feet and levitated.

I was the 1,246th person on Earth in that moment

to become aware of my new ability to fly.

At 3, evil was removed from the heart of humankind.

At 3, the enduring peace on earth began.

Around 4:15, I realized that worry

seemed to be banished from my thought patterns

like years of back pain abruptly cured.

Right before quitting time, people lost self-interest,

decided to delight in learning,

saw different cultures as an opportunity to learn and grow.

When I came home, my neighbors were in the streets in an impromptu block party.

The new desire to create excellent things to contribute to civilization

made champagne entirely affordable.

I had three slices of cheesecake.

Laurie and I waltzed around the middle of Park Avenue

to Strauss. Someone took our photo. It’s my new profile pic.

On Tuesday, I woke up at 7:30,

made tea, and went to work.

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